15 Lessons for Leadership and Life
From my 15 years in business
Last month, I celebrated 15 years in business as a leadership consultant, facilitator, and speaker. There have been many lessons and learnings along the way, and my life looks very different than it did 15 years ago.
In 2008, I left my executive position at a credit union in Maryland to start my own business. I was engaged to be married and had no children. A month after I left the credit union, I got married, went on an amazing honeymoon to Greece, Turkey, and France, and returned excited to begin a new chapter.
Then the economy crashed. I got through it, but it wasn’t easy.
This month, I’m about to celebrate my 15th wedding anniversary, and I have three children. Parenting is the toughest job I have ever had, and requires me to learn, adapt, and try again pretty much every day.
I have gained perspective and wisdom, both personally and professionally. I’ve had the opportunity to work with many leaders and organizations in credit unions, manufacturing, and other industries.
It was hard to narrow it down to 15, but here are the 15 biggest lessons for leadership and life I have learned in my 15 years of business:
- Life is full of ebbs and flows, and that is the human experience. I have had many wonderful highs in my business, and several challenging lows (like the economy crashing in 2008 exactly six weeks after leaving my executive job at a credit union to start my business). You can’t always control what happens in the world, but pausing and taking a breath (or two or three) before making decisions helps you gain perspective on the best path forward.
- Everyone has a front stage and a backstage. Things may look great on the outside, and most people’s Facebook and Instagram feeds usually show the positive experiences. But every single person has a backstage too, the things they don’t necessarily share with the world (or their leader) that are impacting them, both good and bad. The struggles and grief of losing a parent, a sick child, a marriage, a divorce, a child graduating high school, etc. We are human beings living a human experience, and sometimes that experience is hard. The best leaders understand their team members have a life outside of work, care about them personally, and cultivate an environment of empathy and support.
- Leadership continues to evolve. Not everything that worked 15 years ago works now. Our world and society are constantly evolving, and what it takes to be an effective and successful leader evolves too.
- Self-awareness and self-development are two of the most important areas to invest time and energy in as a leader. Knowing how your style, personality, and preferences impact other people is crucial for effectively leading. Understanding and owning your strengths and weaknesses helps you to seek out other perspectives, opinions, and support when needed.
- It’s never been harder to be a leader than in today’s environment. The leadership qualities that are required continue to shift and evolve. Leaders must consistently be open to learning, listening, and adjusting their style to be influential and effective. What is required to be successful in leadership today is very different than when most managers and executives started out. Leaders consistently need to learn, develop, and grow, no matter what stage in their career.
- Not everyone is meant to be a leader. Many transactional managers and executives could be fairly effective in a traditional environment that was common for many years. But as our society has evolved, most employees want development, coaching, and a more relational leadership approach where they can bring their talents to work each day. This requires a different set of essential skills (in my opinion these skills are not “soft” skills, they are essential skills) to be effective today.
- Wellbeing will continue to be an important focus for organizations to thrive. High performing organizations prioritize caretaking the culture by creating an environment where people feel safe sharing their ideas, feel heard, and have managers and colleagues who support them. The leaders of thriving organizations model boundaries and make health, wellbeing, and rejuvenation a priority.
- Employees no longer want to work for companies where work is at the expense of their personal life. They want to work for organizations where their work contributes to their personal fulfillment.
- Being effective is less about managing time, and more about managing your focus and energy around the key result areas of your position.
- Sleep is an important element for being effective in almost everything. You need energy to be your best at work each day so you can be impactful and influential in a positive way.
- Confidence is not a destination. Many of us search for how to become confident or see others who appear more confident and wish that was us. Confidence builds by taking action despite the discomfort that is required. It’s also situational; I can feel confident in one area of life and not confident in another. The way to build confidence is to step into the discomfort to build the skills that are required to increase confidence. No one is 100% confident all the time.
- Discomfort is good. If you are learning, growing, and developing, there will always be discomfort. If you are comfortable, it’s most likely a sign that you are stagnant (unless you are watching a Hallmark movie in your comfy pants, which is a great type of comfort). When you set goals and strive for something you want but don’t yet have, discomfort is part of the process.
- The direct manager has the biggest impact on the employee experience. A toxic leader has a negative impact on an employee inside and outside of work. How we lead, and the cultures we create impact employees well beyond the office.
- We never reach our full potential in our lifetime. Every time you achieve the goals and dreams you created; a new level emerges.
- Often the things worth doing are hard. Building a business has not been easy, but it has been totally worth the time, challenges, effort, success, and failures. Most things that are fulfilling and rewarding are not easy.
What would you add to this list?
I’d love to hear some of the lessons you have learned in your career.
I really love and enjoy this reading. Reading this I learned that when you speak out clearly you thoughts and ideas people see you as winner, because you are not afraid to go straight to the point.
Great article.....And happy belated birthday! Welcome to my world, young lady!
Whenever I have a work project that I keep putting off - I think about delegating that project to someone else - which accomplishes 2 things- it gets the project done and frees us my brain space thinking about it.
Good morning. I loved this read. Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, Melissa :)
Thank you for this blog Laurie. I liked most part and specially "As organizations have become more complex, there is a tendency to require employees to do more with less. This is a slippery slope, and often can result in employees feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. One of the biggest contributors to this is not evaluating resources during the strategic planning process." I will use this practice "A best practice is to do what I call Priority Planning—putting important practices on your calendar ahead of time so they become a priority in your day. Examples of activities to Priority Plan include scheduling recurring coaching sessions with each team member, time for strategic thinking and planning, vacations, doctor appointments, important children’s events, and blocks of time for focused work on projects." To be more effective, I will get a good rest so I can have enough energy in the morning. I will read the blog again along with the other links on employee evaluation. Thank you so much Laurie. Best wishes to you and your family.
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I love the feedback on the more than 50 hours of work. AND filling time. So true. Unfortunately, showing that you work longer hours is still seen as being a "hard worker" - not sure how to change that though.
I enjoyed the read. I concur that transitioning from technical skills to delegating results was a task within itself. I did not realize I was almost trying to do the same thing from my previous position, and it was not working. However, I am seeing the results of how delegating daily tasks makes my job and workload easier. Thank you, Laurie.
Thank you for sharing information about your trip Laurie! All 3 things resonate with me - probably #1 being the biggest. I know when I'm gone for a week, I'm still thinking about work and need a vacation when I get back because I did not relax enough. I think your idea of a longer vacation is definitely in my future!!
Hey Laurie, My take on your list - 1 - everyone has a story - listen 2- social media causes interpersonal problems 5- generational differences create hurdles / earn it you aren't entitled / we should help them get there not give it to them 6 AMEN some leaders I would have followed thru Hell, some I wish - well, you know 7- true BUT be as good as your word and 14- Hopefully we leave some good from our efforts, I know the good leaders I have had have. Seen a lot in my career but it really comes down to treat others the way you want to be treated, fair, honest, and straight forward. Good read. Take care
I love this so much and thank you so much for sharing! I really just love realizing that enjoying the simple things sometimes is the best! Also recognizing that what is important and fun to you may not be everyone else's fun on the on the trip. “Do we get to keep these toiletries?” was my favorite!!!! :):) Glad you had a great time and got to spend it with your family!
I very much resonate with lesson no 3! Thank you Laurie
I think the part that you might have missed in their top 5 things, some of which were not "Italian" or even different from home, all of them happened with you, both of you. And i think that is what they will remember too. And you've got tons of photos that will remind them of what the Sistine Chapel looked like - then they might remember what it sounded like or smelled like. Oh- and i agree with you 100% about sleep!
LOTS of great take-aways from this post! Thank you for posting! I especially love "slow down to speed up". That's a keeper!
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the not getting enough rest to be at my best. definitely need to get more quality sleep and make that a priority
It really is hard to narrow down the 3 lessons into one because they are all so interconnected. You need to give your mind and body THE TIME to relax SO THAT you can enjoy the SIMPLE THINGS, including REST. I enjoyed that lesson as a whole. I will take that lesson with me on my next vacation (or staycation). As always, thank you Laurie for your candor and for sharing your own lessons with others so that we too can benefit.
Great information and reminders
Laurie, Thank you for sharing your trip and these nuggets. The lessons that resonate most with me are it does take time to relax and getting proper rest. When you devote 15 plus hours of your day for work, taking care of home and others; the 6-7 hours you lay down does not cut it! For me during this time I'm trying to unwind and find myself thinking fighting not to think about what I have to do tomorrow. Even after I create a to do list for the next day...I find things I need to add. Taking a day off here and there doesn't cut it as well because of all the plans you have for that day. I try to make sure my Mental Health Days remains just that.... time for me to laugh, cry, scream.... whatever I need to release the cares and stress!
Really enjoyed the article... and all very true!
Since I was already well aware of #1 (I'm in the same boat with taking a long time to relax), I think I'm resonating most with #3. I'm learning to prioritize sleep / rest and it's been wonderful. Love that you said "I love sleep.". :)
Welcome back from vacation. Well deserve! Action is the key to success. Shoulder to shoulder, coaching and delegating task to help other employees grow are very important. It is a sacrifice that one must do. Forget about yourself and be with your team day in and out to help them grow, is not always easy. On the long run, your team is stronger, and you can depend on them for the success of the organization. Thank you so much!
So many great tips here, thank you!
I am so impressed you're able to disconnect and these are great tips I'll be sure to try on my next trip!
Such a great post - so inspiring!