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In one of my recent leadership workshops, an executive shared her struggle with perfectionism in leadership. She talked about the standards she places on herself; feeling inadequate if she makes one mistake, mulling over it for days as the uneasiness builds.
As someone who struggled with perfectionism earlier in my career, I could resonate with her examples. I used to waste a great deal of time and energy striving to create the perfect business plan, the perfect presentation, or even the perfect gourmet dinner for friends. The list goes on! So why do so many high-achieving, successful leaders beat themselves up over small, inconsequential mistakes?
Why are we striving so hard to be “perfect”?
The truth is, people who are challenged by perfectionism usually don’t think they’re perfect. More often, they fear what people will think if they find out how imperfect they really are. Many perfectionists struggle with living up to their own internal standards of “perfection” they perceive will help them to be accepted and appreciated by others. Here’s the challenge with perfectionism: while we may convince ourselves that we have high standards, the truth is that this approach to work and life can be unhealthy and get in the way of effective leadership.
If we strive to be perfect, we will never live up to our own unattainable standards and will very often feel disappointed in ourselves, which can crush our confidence. If we lack confidence, we will often avoid stepping out of our comfort zone, which is how we grow and develop as human beings. In addition, leaders who expect perfection from their teams often display unhealthy leadership behaviors like micromanaging, controlling, and criticism.
The bottom line - perfectionism breeds disappointment - in ourselves and others, and it's not a healthy way to lead.
There is no place for perfectionism in leadership. A better approach is striving for excellence.
Reframing our internal and external expectations toward excellence is a healthy way to lead ourselves and others. With excellence at the forefront, the focus is on self-improvement, support, and achieving goals rather than criticism, disappointment, and unrealistic expectations. While shifting from perfectionism to excellence won’t happen overnight, here are six ways to keep yourself grounded and your mindset healthy.
6 Ways to Release Perfectionism:
1. Take regular breaks
Schedule at least three, ten-minute breaks a day to get out of your office and connect with people or go outdoors.
Giving your brain a break brings clarity and focus, and often gives you the mental space you need to reframe your perfectionistic tendencies. (Avoid social media during these breaks because research shows social media consumption can increase anxiety and be a source of comparison thereby increasing the desire for perfection.)
2. Delegate and trust
Perfectionists often feel they will be seen as successful leaders if they can do it all. The opposite is true. A good leader delegates tasks and projects so they can focus on the important, high-leverage areas that have the biggest impact on results.
3. Develop your employees
The more time you take to develop your employees, the more opportunities you will have to delegate work to them and free up your time for the most important strategic projects. Not only do you build your bench strength, you also give your team members opportunities to grow and learn new skills.
4. Pare down your daily to do list.
At the end of each day, pick one or two important tasks or projects that are essential to complete the next day. Many leaders focus more on activities rather than results because it feels good to check things off your list, even if they aren’t the most important results that will lead to success. Instead of focusing on a long “to do” list, start your day by focusing on the two most important tasks or projects that are the best use of your time and can’t be delegated.
5. Focus on BEING, not just doing
Perfectionists usually focus on accomplishments and tend to neglect downtime. Designate downtime every day where you shut off everything and leave the demands behind. Create boundaries so you have time to rest and rejuvenate so you can work at your best every day.
6. Beware of Compare!
One thing that can fuel self-criticism is comparing ourselves to others. Whether it’s a colleague’s recent promotion or your best friend’s new job, comparing yourself to others breeds disappointment and self-doubt. I share strategies for overcoming the comparison trap in this complementary resource, "Beware of Compare" Reframing Tool
Awareness is the first step toward reducing anxiety around perfectionism.
Perfectionism won’t be overcome instantly. By reframing your mindset and focusing on excellence, you can build a healthy sense of self-acceptance, growth, and achievement for yourself and your team.
Have you ever struggled with perfectionism? How have you created a healthier approach to achievement and positive leadership?
You're invited to The Future Leader Program where you can gain a deeper understanding of your strengths and growth opportunities, and discover how your style impacts others so you can lead in a way that cultivates compassion, empathy, peak performance, and results. It will help you learn more about yourself so you can leave perfection behind for good.
Note: This post refreshed the 2014 "8 ways to overcome perfectionism" post.
I really love and enjoy this reading. Reading this I learned that when you speak out clearly you thoughts and ideas people see you as winner, because you are not afraid to go straight to the point.
Great article.....And happy belated birthday! Welcome to my world, young lady!
Whenever I have a work project that I keep putting off - I think about delegating that project to someone else - which accomplishes 2 things- it gets the project done and frees us my brain space thinking about it.
Good morning. I loved this read. Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, Melissa :)
Thank you for this blog Laurie. I liked most part and specially "As organizations have become more complex, there is a tendency to require employees to do more with less. This is a slippery slope, and often can result in employees feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. One of the biggest contributors to this is not evaluating resources during the strategic planning process." I will use this practice "A best practice is to do what I call Priority Planning—putting important practices on your calendar ahead of time so they become a priority in your day. Examples of activities to Priority Plan include scheduling recurring coaching sessions with each team member, time for strategic thinking and planning, vacations, doctor appointments, important children’s events, and blocks of time for focused work on projects." To be more effective, I will get a good rest so I can have enough energy in the morning. I will read the blog again along with the other links on employee evaluation. Thank you so much Laurie. Best wishes to you and your family.
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I love the feedback on the more than 50 hours of work. AND filling time. So true. Unfortunately, showing that you work longer hours is still seen as being a "hard worker" - not sure how to change that though.
I enjoyed the read. I concur that transitioning from technical skills to delegating results was a task within itself. I did not realize I was almost trying to do the same thing from my previous position, and it was not working. However, I am seeing the results of how delegating daily tasks makes my job and workload easier. Thank you, Laurie.
Thank you for sharing information about your trip Laurie! All 3 things resonate with me - probably #1 being the biggest. I know when I'm gone for a week, I'm still thinking about work and need a vacation when I get back because I did not relax enough. I think your idea of a longer vacation is definitely in my future!!
Hey Laurie, My take on your list - 1 - everyone has a story - listen 2- social media causes interpersonal problems 5- generational differences create hurdles / earn it you aren't entitled / we should help them get there not give it to them 6 AMEN some leaders I would have followed thru Hell, some I wish - well, you know 7- true BUT be as good as your word and 14- Hopefully we leave some good from our efforts, I know the good leaders I have had have. Seen a lot in my career but it really comes down to treat others the way you want to be treated, fair, honest, and straight forward. Good read. Take care
I love this so much and thank you so much for sharing! I really just love realizing that enjoying the simple things sometimes is the best! Also recognizing that what is important and fun to you may not be everyone else's fun on the on the trip. “Do we get to keep these toiletries?” was my favorite!!!! :):) Glad you had a great time and got to spend it with your family!
I very much resonate with lesson no 3! Thank you Laurie
I think the part that you might have missed in their top 5 things, some of which were not "Italian" or even different from home, all of them happened with you, both of you. And i think that is what they will remember too. And you've got tons of photos that will remind them of what the Sistine Chapel looked like - then they might remember what it sounded like or smelled like. Oh- and i agree with you 100% about sleep!
LOTS of great take-aways from this post! Thank you for posting! I especially love "slow down to speed up". That's a keeper!
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the not getting enough rest to be at my best. definitely need to get more quality sleep and make that a priority
It really is hard to narrow down the 3 lessons into one because they are all so interconnected. You need to give your mind and body THE TIME to relax SO THAT you can enjoy the SIMPLE THINGS, including REST. I enjoyed that lesson as a whole. I will take that lesson with me on my next vacation (or staycation). As always, thank you Laurie for your candor and for sharing your own lessons with others so that we too can benefit.
Great information and reminders
Laurie, Thank you for sharing your trip and these nuggets. The lessons that resonate most with me are it does take time to relax and getting proper rest. When you devote 15 plus hours of your day for work, taking care of home and others; the 6-7 hours you lay down does not cut it! For me during this time I'm trying to unwind and find myself thinking fighting not to think about what I have to do tomorrow. Even after I create a to do list for the next day...I find things I need to add. Taking a day off here and there doesn't cut it as well because of all the plans you have for that day. I try to make sure my Mental Health Days remains just that.... time for me to laugh, cry, scream.... whatever I need to release the cares and stress!
Really enjoyed the article... and all very true!
Since I was already well aware of #1 (I'm in the same boat with taking a long time to relax), I think I'm resonating most with #3. I'm learning to prioritize sleep / rest and it's been wonderful. Love that you said "I love sleep.". :)
Welcome back from vacation. Well deserve! Action is the key to success. Shoulder to shoulder, coaching and delegating task to help other employees grow are very important. It is a sacrifice that one must do. Forget about yourself and be with your team day in and out to help them grow, is not always easy. On the long run, your team is stronger, and you can depend on them for the success of the organization. Thank you so much!
So many great tips here, thank you!
I am so impressed you're able to disconnect and these are great tips I'll be sure to try on my next trip!
Such a great post - so inspiring!