In a recent leadership program session, I was sharing strategies and tools for providing feedback to employees when one of the participants asked me a common question: How do I ask my manager for feedback? This leader said her vice president rarely gives feedback on her performance, and she is often left wondering how she is doing.
This is not surprising, since one of the top reasons employees leave organizations is that they're not getting meaningful feedback that will help them grow, develop, and improve.
When I ask participants in my workshops how many of them would want to know if their manager had information that could improve their performance, everyone always raises their hands.
Employees want feedback—they crave feedback—yet most leaders are not good at giving it. And many times feedback is too general to be meaningful or actionable. For example, telling an employee they are doing a great job may temporarily give them a boost of confidence, but it doesn’t share anything meaningful that the employee should keep doing.
There are many reasons why leaders aren’t intentional about providing feedback, and the most common reasons they cite are lack of time and discomfort.
Leaders are juggling many projects and direct reports, and sometimes feedback doesn’t feel like an important priority. Other times leaders aren’t sure how to frame constructive feedback, so they avoid the conversation altogether.
If your manager has not prioritized feedback, there is an effective way to directly ask for it that is comfortable, respectful, and will increase the chances of the feedback being more detailed and actionable.
The best way to ask for feedback is to be very narrow and specific with your questions.
Think of it this way:
General/vague question = general/vague answer
Specific question = specific answer
Avoid these general questions:
- What feedback can you give me on my performance?
- What can I improve?
- How am I doing?
All of these questions are very general and can even be overwhelming for your manager to answer.
Your manager might be thinking about five to ten things she can tell you, but doesn't really know how to frame her answer. In my experience, these general questions tend to be answered with a general answer like, “You’re doing a great job”.
One of my clients recently asked her CEO for feedback, and the CEO was very vague and general with her answer. It seemed that she didn't really want to provide specific information for fear of hurting her employee's feelings. My client really wanted the information so she could learn how to improve and excel even further in her career.
I suggested she ask two specific questions:
- What is my biggest strength, and how can I leverage it better?
- If there was one thing that would help me improve my performance, what would it be?
These questions are easier to answer because they are more specific and pointed.
I suggest giving your manager time to reflect and come back to you with their feedback, as the tendency of most managers is to be very general when they are put on the spot.
For example, you might ask your manager in your next meeting or by email:
I’m thinking about my professional goals going forward, and I’d like to get your feedback on my current performance. What is my biggest strength, and how can I leverage it better?
If there was one thing that would help me improve my performance, what would it be? I’d really like to hear your suggestions at our next meeting.
After receiving very vague feedback from her CEO, my client emailed her manager the next month with more specific questions.
Here is what she specifically said in her email:
As you know, I am taking a leadership development course, and one of the assignments is to get specific feedback from our direct manager. You can either email the answers to me or we can talk about it in our next meeting.
- What is my biggest strength, and how can I leverage it better?
- If there was one thing that would help me improve my performance, what would it be?
I really appreciate your feedback as I continue to focus on my leadership development. ...
A week later, my client was excited to share that her specific questions worked!
Her CEO emailed her specific information on what she was doing well and one area she could improve upon. In their next meeting, they discussed the feedback, and it was an easy, open discussion.
My client got the information she needed by setting up her request in a way that was easy to answer and not overwhelming. Most importantly, she now knows specifically what she should keep doing and what she needs to improve upon to prepare for the next level in her leadership.
I really love and enjoy this reading. Reading this I learned that when you speak out clearly you thoughts and ideas people see you as winner, because you are not afraid to go straight to the point.
Great article.....And happy belated birthday! Welcome to my world, young lady!
Whenever I have a work project that I keep putting off - I think about delegating that project to someone else - which accomplishes 2 things- it gets the project done and frees us my brain space thinking about it.
Good morning. I loved this read. Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, Melissa :)
Thank you for this blog Laurie. I liked most part and specially "As organizations have become more complex, there is a tendency to require employees to do more with less. This is a slippery slope, and often can result in employees feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. One of the biggest contributors to this is not evaluating resources during the strategic planning process." I will use this practice "A best practice is to do what I call Priority Planning—putting important practices on your calendar ahead of time so they become a priority in your day. Examples of activities to Priority Plan include scheduling recurring coaching sessions with each team member, time for strategic thinking and planning, vacations, doctor appointments, important children’s events, and blocks of time for focused work on projects." To be more effective, I will get a good rest so I can have enough energy in the morning. I will read the blog again along with the other links on employee evaluation. Thank you so much Laurie. Best wishes to you and your family.
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I love the feedback on the more than 50 hours of work. AND filling time. So true. Unfortunately, showing that you work longer hours is still seen as being a "hard worker" - not sure how to change that though.
I enjoyed the read. I concur that transitioning from technical skills to delegating results was a task within itself. I did not realize I was almost trying to do the same thing from my previous position, and it was not working. However, I am seeing the results of how delegating daily tasks makes my job and workload easier. Thank you, Laurie.
Thank you for sharing information about your trip Laurie! All 3 things resonate with me - probably #1 being the biggest. I know when I'm gone for a week, I'm still thinking about work and need a vacation when I get back because I did not relax enough. I think your idea of a longer vacation is definitely in my future!!
Hey Laurie, My take on your list - 1 - everyone has a story - listen 2- social media causes interpersonal problems 5- generational differences create hurdles / earn it you aren't entitled / we should help them get there not give it to them 6 AMEN some leaders I would have followed thru Hell, some I wish - well, you know 7- true BUT be as good as your word and 14- Hopefully we leave some good from our efforts, I know the good leaders I have had have. Seen a lot in my career but it really comes down to treat others the way you want to be treated, fair, honest, and straight forward. Good read. Take care
I love this so much and thank you so much for sharing! I really just love realizing that enjoying the simple things sometimes is the best! Also recognizing that what is important and fun to you may not be everyone else's fun on the on the trip. “Do we get to keep these toiletries?” was my favorite!!!! :):) Glad you had a great time and got to spend it with your family!
I very much resonate with lesson no 3! Thank you Laurie
I think the part that you might have missed in their top 5 things, some of which were not "Italian" or even different from home, all of them happened with you, both of you. And i think that is what they will remember too. And you've got tons of photos that will remind them of what the Sistine Chapel looked like - then they might remember what it sounded like or smelled like. Oh- and i agree with you 100% about sleep!
LOTS of great take-aways from this post! Thank you for posting! I especially love "slow down to speed up". That's a keeper!
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the not getting enough rest to be at my best. definitely need to get more quality sleep and make that a priority
It really is hard to narrow down the 3 lessons into one because they are all so interconnected. You need to give your mind and body THE TIME to relax SO THAT you can enjoy the SIMPLE THINGS, including REST. I enjoyed that lesson as a whole. I will take that lesson with me on my next vacation (or staycation). As always, thank you Laurie for your candor and for sharing your own lessons with others so that we too can benefit.
Great information and reminders
Laurie, Thank you for sharing your trip and these nuggets. The lessons that resonate most with me are it does take time to relax and getting proper rest. When you devote 15 plus hours of your day for work, taking care of home and others; the 6-7 hours you lay down does not cut it! For me during this time I'm trying to unwind and find myself thinking fighting not to think about what I have to do tomorrow. Even after I create a to do list for the next day...I find things I need to add. Taking a day off here and there doesn't cut it as well because of all the plans you have for that day. I try to make sure my Mental Health Days remains just that.... time for me to laugh, cry, scream.... whatever I need to release the cares and stress!
Really enjoyed the article... and all very true!
Since I was already well aware of #1 (I'm in the same boat with taking a long time to relax), I think I'm resonating most with #3. I'm learning to prioritize sleep / rest and it's been wonderful. Love that you said "I love sleep.". :)
Welcome back from vacation. Well deserve! Action is the key to success. Shoulder to shoulder, coaching and delegating task to help other employees grow are very important. It is a sacrifice that one must do. Forget about yourself and be with your team day in and out to help them grow, is not always easy. On the long run, your team is stronger, and you can depend on them for the success of the organization. Thank you so much!
So many great tips here, thank you!
I am so impressed you're able to disconnect and these are great tips I'll be sure to try on my next trip!
Such a great post - so inspiring!