I recently had the opportunity to attend a week-long conference with Jack Canfield, the co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. The event was focused on helping people break through to higher levels of success.
The first principle of success Jack introduced was "Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life." Most of us have been conditioned to blame something or someone outside of ourselves for the parts of our life we don't like. But the truth is, there is only one person who is responsible for the quality of life you live: you.
When Jack first introduced this success principle, my immediate thought was that I didn't have room for improvement. I take responsibility for my life. I don't blame others for my outcomes. But as we got deeper into the topic, I realized there are places where excuses linger and I don't take full responsibility.
Most of us have people or institutions that we blame for negative circumstances in our life.Below are some common examples.
We Blame:
Example:
Government
I can't save more money because I pay so much in taxes
ParentsI didn't grow up in a wealthy family, so I didn't have the opportunities other people hadBossMy boss doesn't coach or develop me, so I'm stuck in my jobHusband/Wife/PartnerMy husband doesn't like healthy food, so I can't eat healthierKidsMy kids take up so much of my energy, that I don't have time to see my friendsWeatherI couldn't work out this morning, it was too cold outsideEmployeesI can't delegate because my employees can't handle more work
Lack of time
I don't have time to take a class/travel/call my mother
Lack of money
I don't have enough money to go back to school
The problem with blaming is that we give up our power to change our outcomes. We give up our choice. But it's not the external circumstances that hold us back--it's our own limited thinking.
Ultimately, the only thing we can control is our response to events. We can't change the event itself. Psychotherapist Dr. Robert Resnick created a formula to illustrate this:
E +R = O(Event + Response = Outcome)
Every outcome in life is a result of how you responded to an event. You can't change the family you grew up in, but you can change your response to the situation and ultimately change your outcome. A past event is in the past--it's not changeable. We can only impact future outcomes by changing our response to events that show up in our life.
After Jack introduced the typical excuses people make in their lives, I realized that I haven't always taken 100% responsibility for my life. For example, I was recently complaining to a colleague that as my business grows, there isn't enough time to focus on marketing my business online and also work with my current clients. I went on to complain that I also don't love the marketing side of business, but I'm too busy to search for someone who could help me with it. Subconsciously I was making excuses (lack of time to learn how to market online) for not taking charge of the outcome (gaining more visibility online).
Since returning from the workshop, I have decided to take 100% responsibility for this aspect of my business. I am reading a book on effective marketing and watching videos to learn how to implement some strategies. Even though it's uncomfortable to be stretching myself to learn this aspect of business, I feel empowered that I am taking charge of my results. I've decided if it's really important, I will find the time to do it, and not complain.
How about you: Is there an aspect of your life that you need to take more responsibility for?
I'd love for you to share your thoughts in the comments section below.
I really love and enjoy this reading. Reading this I learned that when you speak out clearly you thoughts and ideas people see you as winner, because you are not afraid to go straight to the point.
Great article.....And happy belated birthday! Welcome to my world, young lady!
Whenever I have a work project that I keep putting off - I think about delegating that project to someone else - which accomplishes 2 things- it gets the project done and frees us my brain space thinking about it.
Good morning. I loved this read. Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, Melissa :)
Thank you for this blog Laurie. I liked most part and specially "As organizations have become more complex, there is a tendency to require employees to do more with less. This is a slippery slope, and often can result in employees feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. One of the biggest contributors to this is not evaluating resources during the strategic planning process." I will use this practice "A best practice is to do what I call Priority Planning—putting important practices on your calendar ahead of time so they become a priority in your day. Examples of activities to Priority Plan include scheduling recurring coaching sessions with each team member, time for strategic thinking and planning, vacations, doctor appointments, important children’s events, and blocks of time for focused work on projects." To be more effective, I will get a good rest so I can have enough energy in the morning. I will read the blog again along with the other links on employee evaluation. Thank you so much Laurie. Best wishes to you and your family.
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I love the feedback on the more than 50 hours of work. AND filling time. So true. Unfortunately, showing that you work longer hours is still seen as being a "hard worker" - not sure how to change that though.
I enjoyed the read. I concur that transitioning from technical skills to delegating results was a task within itself. I did not realize I was almost trying to do the same thing from my previous position, and it was not working. However, I am seeing the results of how delegating daily tasks makes my job and workload easier. Thank you, Laurie.
Thank you for sharing information about your trip Laurie! All 3 things resonate with me - probably #1 being the biggest. I know when I'm gone for a week, I'm still thinking about work and need a vacation when I get back because I did not relax enough. I think your idea of a longer vacation is definitely in my future!!
Hey Laurie, My take on your list - 1 - everyone has a story - listen 2- social media causes interpersonal problems 5- generational differences create hurdles / earn it you aren't entitled / we should help them get there not give it to them 6 AMEN some leaders I would have followed thru Hell, some I wish - well, you know 7- true BUT be as good as your word and 14- Hopefully we leave some good from our efforts, I know the good leaders I have had have. Seen a lot in my career but it really comes down to treat others the way you want to be treated, fair, honest, and straight forward. Good read. Take care
I love this so much and thank you so much for sharing! I really just love realizing that enjoying the simple things sometimes is the best! Also recognizing that what is important and fun to you may not be everyone else's fun on the on the trip. “Do we get to keep these toiletries?” was my favorite!!!! :):) Glad you had a great time and got to spend it with your family!
I very much resonate with lesson no 3! Thank you Laurie
I think the part that you might have missed in their top 5 things, some of which were not "Italian" or even different from home, all of them happened with you, both of you. And i think that is what they will remember too. And you've got tons of photos that will remind them of what the Sistine Chapel looked like - then they might remember what it sounded like or smelled like. Oh- and i agree with you 100% about sleep!
LOTS of great take-aways from this post! Thank you for posting! I especially love "slow down to speed up". That's a keeper!
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the not getting enough rest to be at my best. definitely need to get more quality sleep and make that a priority
It really is hard to narrow down the 3 lessons into one because they are all so interconnected. You need to give your mind and body THE TIME to relax SO THAT you can enjoy the SIMPLE THINGS, including REST. I enjoyed that lesson as a whole. I will take that lesson with me on my next vacation (or staycation). As always, thank you Laurie for your candor and for sharing your own lessons with others so that we too can benefit.
Great information and reminders
Laurie, Thank you for sharing your trip and these nuggets. The lessons that resonate most with me are it does take time to relax and getting proper rest. When you devote 15 plus hours of your day for work, taking care of home and others; the 6-7 hours you lay down does not cut it! For me during this time I'm trying to unwind and find myself thinking fighting not to think about what I have to do tomorrow. Even after I create a to do list for the next day...I find things I need to add. Taking a day off here and there doesn't cut it as well because of all the plans you have for that day. I try to make sure my Mental Health Days remains just that.... time for me to laugh, cry, scream.... whatever I need to release the cares and stress!
Really enjoyed the article... and all very true!
Since I was already well aware of #1 (I'm in the same boat with taking a long time to relax), I think I'm resonating most with #3. I'm learning to prioritize sleep / rest and it's been wonderful. Love that you said "I love sleep.". :)
Welcome back from vacation. Well deserve! Action is the key to success. Shoulder to shoulder, coaching and delegating task to help other employees grow are very important. It is a sacrifice that one must do. Forget about yourself and be with your team day in and out to help them grow, is not always easy. On the long run, your team is stronger, and you can depend on them for the success of the organization. Thank you so much!
So many great tips here, thank you!
I am so impressed you're able to disconnect and these are great tips I'll be sure to try on my next trip!
Such a great post - so inspiring!