One of the most unforgettable moments from my time as a vice president at a credit union happened during an executive team meeting with one of the CEOs during my tenure. He was someone who often preached the importance of fostering a culture where employees felt empowered to speak up, share ideas, and take ownership of their roles. He emphasized how vital it was to disagree and challenge the status quo in pursuit of better outcomes.
On paper, it sounded ideal. But in practice, it wasn’t always so straightforward.
This is a leader who, at times, was brilliant, strategic, and encouraging. I learned a lot from him while we worked together, but he had a blind spot that kept him from being a truly influential leader - he often lacked emotional intelligence and self-awareness and would become frustrated, overly critical, and even angry when he was triggered.
During this particular meeting, we were discussing a critical issue - something the entire leadership team had a stake in. One of my colleagues respectfully voiced a disagreement with the CEO's approach. Instead of hearing the perspective of my colleague, the CEO became visibly upset and abruptly shut down the discussion. Without another word, he picked up his notepad, stormed out, and left the room in a tense silence.
For the next three days, he withdrew completely, giving us the cold shoulder and avoiding any interaction with the team. The contradiction between his words about fostering a healthy culture and his reaction to being challenged left us all feeling like we were walking on eggshells. It was a moment that highlighted the gap between what leaders sometimes say they value, yet often don’t practice.
Though this is an extreme example, in my consulting work with executives and managers, I frequently see leaders mishandle conflict in ways that undermine their teams. Some react harshly to feedback or criticism, while others avoid conflict altogether, shutting down any form of disagreement during meetings. Both approaches can stifle open communication and create a toxic environment.
While personal attacks and destructive conflict have no place in an organization, artificial harmony can be equally detrimental to a team and company culture.
When leaders suppress disagreements or differences of opinion, they stifle innovation and creativity, leading team members to disengage and refrain from voicing their ideas.
When team members are encouraged to challenge each other’s ideas respectfully, they push boundaries, spark creativity, and uncover solutions that might otherwise go unnoticed.
Healthy conflict is not about winning arguments. It’s about creating an environment where different perspectives are valued, and the best ideas can emerge.
Teams that embrace constructive conflict are more resilient, engaged, and ultimately more successful.
This is an important element of successful leadership, and managers and executives need to be able to facilitate discussions that encourage innovation, ideas, and constructive conflict, and then build alignment around decisions.
To foster a thriving and healthy team, it’s essential to embrace the following three principles:
1. Encourage Healthy Debate and Conflict: Embrace and actively encourage healthy debate and conflict among team members rather than shying away from it. Avoid intervening to halt constructive disagreements; instead, encourage team members to keep sharing their perspectives when they disagree. For example, if two people disagree and healthy conflict arises, don’t see this as a negative interaction that you need to take offline or stifle. Allow the debate to happen and acknowledge when team members surface different perspectives. This approach fosters innovation and enhances problem solving.
2. Invite Differing Views: Actively seek out diverse perspectives to enrich discussions and decision-making. Valuing different viewpoints helps create a more inclusive environment. In particular, be sure to reinforce with your team that it’s okay to disagree with you, and that you invite different perspectives.
This builds psychological safety on your team; where they feel comfortable sharing their true thoughts, concerns, and ideas without the need to filter or hold back.
Examples of questions/statements:
- Who has an idea that is different than the ones already shared?
- I’d like to hear from someone who disagrees.
- I’m open to feedback on this. Tell me why and how my idea won’t work.
- Who has a different view on this topic?
3. Acknowledge People When They Disagree: When an employee has the courage to disagree with you or a colleague constructively, acknowledge it. This fosters a sense of safety; employees will feel more comfortable disagreeing and sharing their true ideas and opinions because you have demonstrated these differing viewpoints are welcomed. For example, “Jane, I appreciate you sharing that you disagree with the direction we have been discussing for this project.”
Even if you don’t agree with the employee’s view, you can still acknowledge them for speaking up. This not only shows respect for their opinions but also reinforces a culture of open communication and collaboration.
By implementing these principles, teams can cultivate a more dynamic and effective working environment.
Building these skills as a leader is an important element of fostering a healthy, effective team that gets results. In addition, cultivating these practices with your leadership team and in your interactions creates an entire culture where employees feel free to speak up, challenge the status quo, and truly take ownership in their positions. As the leader of the team - whether you're a manager, project manager, or CEO - it's your responsibility to guide the team in making informed decisions.
Engaging in debate is crucial for uncovering diverse ideas and perspectives. After exploring all viewpoints, it's essential for the team to reach a decision and then move toward alignment.
How do you encourage healthy debate or conflict on your team??
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I really love and enjoy this reading. Reading this I learned that when you speak out clearly you thoughts and ideas people see you as winner, because you are not afraid to go straight to the point.
Great article.....And happy belated birthday! Welcome to my world, young lady!
Whenever I have a work project that I keep putting off - I think about delegating that project to someone else - which accomplishes 2 things- it gets the project done and frees us my brain space thinking about it.
Good morning. I loved this read. Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, Melissa :)
Thank you for this blog Laurie. I liked most part and specially "As organizations have become more complex, there is a tendency to require employees to do more with less. This is a slippery slope, and often can result in employees feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. One of the biggest contributors to this is not evaluating resources during the strategic planning process." I will use this practice "A best practice is to do what I call Priority Planning—putting important practices on your calendar ahead of time so they become a priority in your day. Examples of activities to Priority Plan include scheduling recurring coaching sessions with each team member, time for strategic thinking and planning, vacations, doctor appointments, important children’s events, and blocks of time for focused work on projects." To be more effective, I will get a good rest so I can have enough energy in the morning. I will read the blog again along with the other links on employee evaluation. Thank you so much Laurie. Best wishes to you and your family.
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I love the feedback on the more than 50 hours of work. AND filling time. So true. Unfortunately, showing that you work longer hours is still seen as being a "hard worker" - not sure how to change that though.
I enjoyed the read. I concur that transitioning from technical skills to delegating results was a task within itself. I did not realize I was almost trying to do the same thing from my previous position, and it was not working. However, I am seeing the results of how delegating daily tasks makes my job and workload easier. Thank you, Laurie.
Thank you for sharing information about your trip Laurie! All 3 things resonate with me - probably #1 being the biggest. I know when I'm gone for a week, I'm still thinking about work and need a vacation when I get back because I did not relax enough. I think your idea of a longer vacation is definitely in my future!!
Hey Laurie, My take on your list - 1 - everyone has a story - listen 2- social media causes interpersonal problems 5- generational differences create hurdles / earn it you aren't entitled / we should help them get there not give it to them 6 AMEN some leaders I would have followed thru Hell, some I wish - well, you know 7- true BUT be as good as your word and 14- Hopefully we leave some good from our efforts, I know the good leaders I have had have. Seen a lot in my career but it really comes down to treat others the way you want to be treated, fair, honest, and straight forward. Good read. Take care
I love this so much and thank you so much for sharing! I really just love realizing that enjoying the simple things sometimes is the best! Also recognizing that what is important and fun to you may not be everyone else's fun on the on the trip. “Do we get to keep these toiletries?” was my favorite!!!! :):) Glad you had a great time and got to spend it with your family!
I very much resonate with lesson no 3! Thank you Laurie
I think the part that you might have missed in their top 5 things, some of which were not "Italian" or even different from home, all of them happened with you, both of you. And i think that is what they will remember too. And you've got tons of photos that will remind them of what the Sistine Chapel looked like - then they might remember what it sounded like or smelled like. Oh- and i agree with you 100% about sleep!
LOTS of great take-aways from this post! Thank you for posting! I especially love "slow down to speed up". That's a keeper!
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the not getting enough rest to be at my best. definitely need to get more quality sleep and make that a priority
It really is hard to narrow down the 3 lessons into one because they are all so interconnected. You need to give your mind and body THE TIME to relax SO THAT you can enjoy the SIMPLE THINGS, including REST. I enjoyed that lesson as a whole. I will take that lesson with me on my next vacation (or staycation). As always, thank you Laurie for your candor and for sharing your own lessons with others so that we too can benefit.
Great information and reminders
Laurie, Thank you for sharing your trip and these nuggets. The lessons that resonate most with me are it does take time to relax and getting proper rest. When you devote 15 plus hours of your day for work, taking care of home and others; the 6-7 hours you lay down does not cut it! For me during this time I'm trying to unwind and find myself thinking fighting not to think about what I have to do tomorrow. Even after I create a to do list for the next day...I find things I need to add. Taking a day off here and there doesn't cut it as well because of all the plans you have for that day. I try to make sure my Mental Health Days remains just that.... time for me to laugh, cry, scream.... whatever I need to release the cares and stress!
Really enjoyed the article... and all very true!
Since I was already well aware of #1 (I'm in the same boat with taking a long time to relax), I think I'm resonating most with #3. I'm learning to prioritize sleep / rest and it's been wonderful. Love that you said "I love sleep.". :)
Welcome back from vacation. Well deserve! Action is the key to success. Shoulder to shoulder, coaching and delegating task to help other employees grow are very important. It is a sacrifice that one must do. Forget about yourself and be with your team day in and out to help them grow, is not always easy. On the long run, your team is stronger, and you can depend on them for the success of the organization. Thank you so much!
So many great tips here, thank you!
I am so impressed you're able to disconnect and these are great tips I'll be sure to try on my next trip!
Such a great post - so inspiring!